Teach Children How to Create Their Own Affirmations
Adapted from The Power of Positive Talk: Words to Help Every Child Succeed
by Douglas Bloch, M.A.
When children learn how to create their own affirmations, they become the source of their own positive messages, and thus the source of their own self-esteem. Here's how to get them started.
Begin by introducing the concept of self-talk. Explain that we all talk to ourselves through our inner speech. For example, if I do well on a test or hit a home run on my first at-bat, I might say, "Good going, Douglas!" On the other hand, if I strike out with the bases loaded, I might say, "I blew it. What a choke!"
Continue by explaining that "What we tell ourselves helps to determine how we feel about ourselves. Even though you may be disappointed about striking out, saying, 'What a choke!' to yourself will cause you to feel discouraged and hinder your performance next time at bat. On the other hand, saying, 'I'll do better next time' gives you the encouragement to practice your swing so you can do better."
Now you are ready to introduce the following four-step process:
1. Ask the child if there is any area of his life he would like to feel more positive about. Have him talk in concrete terms. If he is wanting to achieve a specific goal, have him describe what he wants in as much detail as possible. If he is facing a particular challenge (problems making friends, fears of going to school, adjusting to the death of a pet, etc.), ask him to describe the specific issue.
2. Then, go to the feelings associated with his goal or experience. Is the child anxious or hopeful about trying out for the soccer team? Is he hurt because no one wants to play with him? Encourage him to tell the story in his own words. With younger children you can ask them to draw a picture of their feeling or make a sculpture with clay. Since children live in their feelings, this is an extremely important step.
3. Reflect and mirror the child's feelings and/or aspirations. Statements such as "It sounds like making the team is important to you" and "It must have been hard when Stephen said he didn't want to play with you" validate the child's feelings and assure him that he has been heard.
4. Once the child has described the situation and has identified and articulated his feelings about it, he is ready to formulate an empowering affirmation. Ask the child to come up with a positive statement that describes the goal, feeling, or behavior he just told you about. Wait for the child to state the affirmation in his own words, and repeat it back to him. If he is having difficulty formulating his thoughts, you can gently offer assistance. If he has a hard time believing in the affirmation, you can respond, "You may not believe what you are saying, but I believe it."
Here are some creative ways to share the principles of positive self-talk with children:
Use experiential activities to introduce positive self-talk to kids.
Combine affirmations with visual imagery. A picture is worth a thousand words. This is especially true for children, whose right-brained orientation makes them especially oriented to visual imagery.
Set affirmations to music. Perhaps the most powerful way to imprint affirmations on the mind is to set them to music. Music has the power to touch the soul and uplift the spirit.
Record affirmations on cassette tapes or CDs. Another powerful way to share affirmations with children is to record the words in your voice or in the child's. Add soothing music in the background to enhance the effect. Children like to play these tapes at bedtime, the first thing in the morning, or any time during the day when they need support.
Teach affirmations through stories. Every child loves a story. The classic children's book, The Little Engine That Could is a great example of positive self-talk in action.
Douglas Bloch, M.A., is an author, teacher, and counselor
who writes and speaks on the topics of psychology, healing, and spirituality.
Copyright (c) 2003, Douglas Bloch, M.A. For use with permission from Free Spirit Publishing.
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Added 8/1/03
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