Q&A with Allan L. Beane, Ph.D.
Author of The Bully Free ClassroomTM: Over 100 Tips and Strategies for Teachers K–8
Q: What made you interested in the subject of bullying?
A: My experience in special education showed me that many "mainstreamed" students with disabilities were physically integrated into the regular classroom, but socially they were often teased, harassed, and rejected by their able-bodied peers. These kids were more visible targets, but by no means were they the only ones who were bullied. To help promote acceptance for all students, I developed several strategies that are now included in The Bully Free Classroom.
On a more personal note, my son was bullied in fifth grade. His sense of insecurity, rejection, and helplessness was overwhelming. Years later, an auto accident caused the amputation of two of his fingers. Many of his high school classmates accepted and supported him, others were extremely cruel. I realized the great need for materials that teach respect and empathy and decided to share my knowledge.
Q: How big is the problem?
A: The numbers are startling. According to the National Association of School Psychologists, one in seven schoolchildren is a bully or a victim of a bully. Bullying directly affects about five million elementary and junior high students in the United States.
It’s estimated that nearly 160,000 students stay home every day because of bullying. Parents, teachers, and administrators don’t take action because they aren’t sure what to do. Some feel overwhelmed. Some don’t know how to recognize bullying, let alone prevent it or intervene. Worse yet, some people blame the victim.
Q: Hasn’t there always been bullying?
A: Bullying has been a problem since a jealous Caine murdered his brother, Abel, or since the first caveman hit the second one over the head. Say the word "bully" to almost anyone you know, and you’ll hear stories about bloodied noses, tossed books, and being taunted to tears. If bullying, as some people claim, is a "normal, natural" part of childhood, why do our memories of bullying incidents remain so vividly painful—years, even decades, later?
Q: How has bullying changed in recent years?
A: Although we all have memories of bullies from our school days, children today face bullying that is more intense in frequency and seriousness, and the distance between verbal abuse and physical abuse is decreasing. For example, while in the past girls relied mostly on verbal forms of bullying, such as taunting or shunning, they are now becoming more physical in their aggression. More victims are "getting even." And while difference has always been an excuse for bullying, today we live in a diverse society. Intolerance, misunderstanding, and the perception that economic, racial, or cultural differences are defining characteristics produce cliques, isolation, and worse.
Q: Why does bullying continue?
A: Bullying continues because it is unnoticed, unreported, and misunderstood.
- Bullies tend to hurt or abuse others when adults aren’t around to see it.
- Bullies act in ways that adults aren’t aware of or don’t notice.
- Victims are ashamed of being bullied, afraid of retaliation, or worried that adults can’t or won’t help them.
- Witnesses don’t want to get involved, or they don’t interpret what they’re seeing as bullying, but as "teasing" or "normal" or "kids being kids" behavior.
As common as bullying is, and despite the fact that almost everyone has experienced bullying, we prefer to think of bullying in terms of isolated incidents. Unfortunately, this makes it easier to think of bullying as unpreventable. It’s time to debunk the bully myth. Being bullied does not "build character." The truth is, no one deserves to be bullied.
Q: Where does bullying start, and when does it end?
A: Bullying can start as early as preschool. It seems to peak during the middle school years, and decline slightly during high school. In colleges and universities, bullying behavior continues as hazing, sexual harassment, and assault. In adulthood, bullying behavior may be seen in abusive spouses and parents or in workplace bullies. Bullies don’t just grow up and grow out of it. They must be taught better ways of relating to others. The good news is that because bullying behavior is learned, it can also be unlearned.
Q: What can be done to prevent bullying?
A: Most adults focus on resolving the immediate bullying—either by focusing on the victim or the bully—but to prevent bullying, they can’t stop there. In addition to resolving the immediate conflict, we must also address the root of the problem: how people treat one another. We need to focus on changing both behavior and attitude. By teaching respect for others from a very young age, we identify bullying as unacceptable, not unavoidable, behavior.
Q: Do you think the reports of school shootings in the news have changed the public perception of bullying, and if so, how?
A: These high-profile incidents of school violence share a common thread—bullying or peer victimization. Tragic events are only the most visible and sensational aspect of a widespread problem. Such tragedies are the exceptions; everyday bullying in most schools is less dramatic but far more common.
We cannot ignore how important it is for children and young people to feel accepted. Children who feel they don’t "belong" may feel trapped, insecure, and hopeless. For some children, that hurt turns to anger, anger turns to rage, and rage can turn to retaliation and violence.
Young people know when they are mistreated and when they are mistreating others. Adults need to show students how to relate to one another in a more positive way. Adults have to notice, respond, and act. Instead of assuming that being "different" is dangerous, we need to teach students to respect each other in an environment where everyone is safe to be themselves without fear of bullying.
Q: What can adults do?
A: First, we need to throw all our assumptions about bullying out the window. No more thinking "it’ll make them stronger or better people" or "it’s just a part of growing up" or "they bring it on themselves." We need to show our children that bullying is not acceptable, that victims can take more control of their lives, and that bullies can and must change their behavior.
Q: What can teachers do?
A: Children can’t learn in fear. Like all children, troubled young people—including bullies and victims—need a supportive environment to learn and grow. Teachers can create a classroom environment where everyone feels safe, accepted, and appreciated. In a positive classroom, students can learn, teachers can teach, and education—not behavior—is the focus.
Teachers should talk with their students about bullying. Help them make lists of bully behaviors like bossing people around, gossiping, or name-calling. Establish class rules about expected behavior. If your school or district has a no-bully policy, share it with your students; have them put it in their own words. If there isn’t an established policy, work with your students to create one. Use these two questions to prompt discussion: What kind of classroom do you want to have? What can everyone do to make this happen?
Designate your classroom "bully free"—a place where people accept each other, value each other, and treat each other with kindness and respect. Make a poster or banner to display outside the classroom. Have students write an article for the school newsletter or newspaper. Share what your class is doing—and why—with your students’ parents, other classes, the principal, and with parent-teacher organizations.
Q: What can parents do?
A: Talk with your child regularly. Get involved with their activities. Know their friends.
If you suspect your child is being bullied:
- Ask about it (children rarely volunteer this information). Try asking questions like "So, who’s the bully in your classroom?" "Who does the bully pick on most of the time?" "What does the bully say or do to you?" "How does that make you feel?"
If your child tells you she or he is being bullied:
- Believe your child. Ask for specifics and write them down.
- Don’t confront the bully or the bully’s parents. This might make matters worse.
- Don’t tell your child to "get in there and fight." Your child could get hurt.
- Don’t blame your child. Bullying is never the victim’s fault.
- Don’t promise to keep the bullying a secret (thus giving the bully permission to bully).
- Tell your child you’re glad that he or she told you. Explain that you are going to help, and you’re also going to ask the teacher to help.
- Request a private meeting with the teacher as soon as possible. Other than your child, no student should know of this parent/teacher meeting. Ask for the teacher’s perspective (he or she might know things about the bullying that you don’t). Ask to see a copy of the school’s anti-bullying policy. Stay calm and respectful; your child’s teacher wants to help.
If your child’s teacher has told you that your child is bullying others, take it seriously.
- Talk with your child. Your child might try to deny or minimize the behavior; this is normal.
- Don’t blame; don’t ask "why" something happened or "why" your child acted in a certain way. This may lead to lies and excuses. Stay calm. Make it clear that bullying is NOT okay with you.
- Talk with your child about how bullying affects the victim. If you remember times from your own childhood when you were bullied, share how it made you feel.
- Praise your child’s efforts to change. Notice when they follow the rules and give positive feedback when your child does something kind or thoughtful for others.
- Reassure your child that you still love him or her. It’s the bullying behavior you don’t like.
Q: What can children and young people do?
A: You don’t have to be a hero to stop bullying. When asked, most students say they are opposed to bullying. Half tried to help victims, and nearly one-third regretted not helping. You reduce a bully’s power over victims, and everyone else, when you:
- Refuse to join in or watch (joining in or watching gives the bully permission to bully).
- Speak out (say "Don’t do/say that. It’s not right.").
- Report any bullying you know about or see to a trusted teacher or adult.
- Stand up for the person being bullied; gather around (there’s safety in numbers).
- Make an effort to include students who are normally left out or rejected.
- Distract the bully so he or she stops the bullying behavior.
Contributor: Free Spirit Publishing
Reviews
The Bully Free Classroom: Over 100 Tips and Strategies for Teachers K-8
Allan L. Beane
Having trouble with bullies in your classroom? Check out this handy and effective guide with more than one hundred tips and strategies. Designed for grades K-8, these easy-to-use and easy-to-implement tips can help teachers learn when and how to intervene successfully. Teachers can also empower their students with the ability for dealing with a bully while encouraging positive character traits in their classrooms. Included are lists of resources, including adult and student books, videos, materials, web sites, and organizations. Limited reproduction rights are granted. A must-have for every school system! 1999, Free Spirit Publishing, $19.95. Ages adult parent. Reviewer: M. Thomas (Parent Council Volume 7).
ISBN: 1-57542-054-6
How to be Bully Free Workbook
Alan L. Beane
Everyone has at least one story to tell about being bullied while growing up; is bullying, then, a normal part of life? Not according to this workbook, based on Allan Beane's The Bully Free Classroom. Bullying is not normal, natural, or acceptable. This hands-on, consumable workbook uses words, pictures, games, and quizzes to help youngsters learn skills to help them not be bullied and to teach bullies better ways of relating to others. Aimed at children in grades 3-5, some of the material could be used as fodder for discussion and drawings with children as young as kindergarten, while other writing suggestions seem more appropriate for middle schoolers. The activities encourage self-respect (both of the victims and bullies), handling anger, being kind, and verbalizing needs and wants through I-messages. While it would probably be helpful to have Beane's book as a companion guide, this workbook would work as a stand-alone. The variety of activities will engage children with different learning styles and the material is adaptable to the classroom, youth groups, or counseling. 2006, Free Spirit Publishing, Ages 8 to 12, $5.95. Reviewer: Peg Glisson (Children's Literature).
ISBN: 1-57542-215-8
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Added 11/20/06
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